There have been I think six Rocky movies and I've never sat through an entire one but I've always loved the theme song. Something about it just seems so triumphant; watching him run up the steep and treacherous steps until he finally makes it to the top.
Now imagine that you are running up those steps but imagine that you are not Rocky Balboa/Sylvester Stallone, but that you are just you, in whatever shape you're in right now. With each step add a little weight until you've added 30 pounds to yourself. Swell up your feet so that they look like bread rolls. Somewhere around the middle of the steps throw in some constant heartburn and lower back pain. Slow Rocky's song down so that it takes nine months to play. Make sure its ninety degrees outside. Get three steps from the top and just stand there looking at the top, knowing its right there, but that you can't take get up there for at least another two weeks. This is called nine months pregnant, or what the doctor's like to call, full term.
What does full term/37 weeks mean exactly? It means that your baby would be absolutely fine if he came out right now but he won't. It means that every pain will make you hope that you are about to go into labor but you're not. It will mean that every time you leave work and say "see you tomorrow" you hope that in all actuality you will be recovering in the hospital but every tomorrow you are back at work again. Most babies are born between 37 and 42 weeks. So what this means is that my little boy could safely come tomorrow or I could be standing there looking at that top step for five more weeks, the thought of which is 100 percent unacceptable. So as of yesterday, I gave the boy his eviction notice. He is to be out within the next two weeks or else.
Starting yesterday I started the process of trying every safe method supposedly known to naturally induce labor. These inlude; capsules of evening primrose oil, red raspberry leaf tea, walking, spicy food, fresh pineapple, and lots of uh- happy time with my husband. I have no idea if any of these things actually work. Either I will be a mommy again sooner, or I will be one pill popping, tea-drinking, indigestion-having chick that gets good cardio work outs and has a smile on her face. If he doesn't move willingly within two weeks, I will be evicting him via that old time favorite- castor oil. Some people say that all castor oil does is give you the runs, but right now I'm willing to risk it. Right now that top step is calling me. I've spent nine long months holding this boy in my belly, now I'm ready to hold him in my arms.
Are you listening in there buddy? Time for you to pack up your placenta and leave....